Chapter 18: No One Wants To Hear About Cowards

18.1 EXT. KINGDOM FAITHFUL MOUNTAINSIDE FOREST - EVENING

TERGEN, MAJ and ATIFICAT are sitting around a campfire at the foot of a mountain.

MAJ

What do your names mean?

TERGEN

That was random. Where’d that come from?

MAJ

Your names are unfamiliar to me, that’s all. I was just wondering whether they meant anything.

ATIFICAT

What does yours mean?

MAJ

My full name is Majesty - “one who is majestic”. Royal.

ATIFICAT

(sarcastically)

No kidding.

MAJ

So… What about yours?

TERGEN

Nothing.

MAJ

Nothing?

TERGEN

Nothing.

ATIFICAT

Same here.

MAJ

How can your names not mean anything?

ATIFICAT

Do they need a meaning? Why can they not just be a collection of sounds that identify one person from another? Meanings are over-rated.

TERGEN

It’s so much more interesting not having a meaning. No expectancy to live up to. Haven’t you grown up with the notion that you have to be majestic?

MAJ

Not really.

ATIFICAT

Then why are you travelling with us?

MAJ

To find out what killed Angus and Rosa.

ATIFICAT

Precisely. You want justice. And by achieving justice, you will earn your name. You will have performed actions that reflect your name - you will be majestic and have royal qualities. It’s all subconscious.

MAJ

All subconscious? That’s just a way of saying “This is what you’re like but you don’t know it.” And neither do you! It’s a scapegoat for all the mysteries of the psyches. So why are you here?

ATIFICAT

To save my skin. To try and right some of my wrongs. But that has got nothing to do with fulfilling a namesake. 

MAJ

What about you, Tergen?

TERGEN

I’m here to bring some meaning to my life.

MAJ

Maybe because your names have no meaning, the pair of you are searching for meaning in your lives. 

ATIFICAT

I don’t think so.

MAJ

Subconsciously then.

ATIFICAT

I thought the subconscious was a scapegoat…

All three of them laugh together.

CUT TO:

18.2 EXT. KINGDOM FAITHFUL MOUNTAINSIDE FOREST - NIGHT

MAJ and ATIFICAT are lying down looking up at the stars through the leaves, going to sleep. TERGEN is sitting up, keeping watch.

ATIFICAT

What were you before you started this journey, Maj?

MAJ

A blacksmith’s apprentice.

ATIFICAT

Ah. Making swords.

MAJ

Mostly tools - farming and household. Nigel, my master, usually makes any weaponry that is required.

ATIFICAT

Can you fight?

MAJ

Not with a sword. But I’m strong. I often win at arm-wrestling contests at the tavern.

Atificat and Tergen snigger.

MAJ

What?

TERGEN

When you meet enemies in the big, wide world, they aren’t going to challenge you to an arm wrestle. They’re going to come at you with a sword like at the fairground.

MAJ

I know! I never said that’s how I would fight in combat. 

ATIFICAT
You need training, boy.

MAJ

Do you think it’s really necessary?

ATIFICAT & TERGEN

Yes.

TERGEN

We’ll start training in the morning. Just the basics. You’re lucky we kept those swords from the fairground.

THE READER

Lucky because otherwise there’d be a terrible sense of discontinuity.

Maj looks confused.

ATIFICAT
Don’t worry. It’s a bit of a meta moment.

MAJ

Right.

ATIFICAT

So, what did you do before you were a Keeper of the Crowns, Tergen?

TERGEN

That is none of your concern.

ATIFICAT

A soldier?

TERGEN

A soldier?! Good gracious, no! What makes you think that?

ATIFICAT

You can handle yourself with a sword surprisingly well. 

TERGEN

I know I don’t come across as the type likely to be a decent swordsman, but I had very good training. If you don’t mind, my past is irrelevant. It has no bearing on anything at the moment, thank you very much.

ATIFICAT

A-ha! You are our man of mystery!

MAJ

The man with the masked past!

Atificat and Maj laugh.

TERGEN

Let me be, guys.

MAJ

Spoilsport.

TERGEN

I like my privacy and I would appreciate it if you would respect that. Now let’s change the subject.

MAJ

Fine. Atificat, could you tell us the rest of the story of the mighty Andleli and his quest to recover the Crown of Prophecy. I was really enjoying it before you were so rudely interrupted.

ATIFICAT

The mighty Andleli! I like that. It’s completely untrue!

MAJ

What?

ATIFICAT 

Andleli was a coward. He was no hero. He wasn’t a brave warrior during the Great Wars. He was a deserter, Maj. A coward. 

MAJ

Why did you lie then?

ATIFICAT

Because no one wants to hear about cowards.

THE READER

I do.

ATIFICAT

Oh alright then. Here’s what really happened.

CUT TO:

18.3 EXT. THE QUAYSIDE - DAY

It is a busy dock full of the hustle and bustle of merchants, sailors and passengers and their families. ANDLELI, PANALIA and RAPHER enter and stand, watching the scene.

ATIFICAT (V/O)

So as we know, Andleli and his companions Panalia and Rapher, are on their way to the Isles of the Pygmy Elves to retrieve the Crown of Prophecy. But first we must note that he was far from perfect. He did not save the Rapher the mole. He watched from the bushes as Rapher was beaten.

MAJ (V/O)

So he was a really bad guy?

ATIFICAT (V/O)

Not a bad guy. Just not a good guy. He was weak.

ANDLELI

Oy!

ATIFICAT (V/O)

Well, it’s true, isn’t it?

ANDLELI

Still… cheap shot…

THE READER

Get on with it.

ATIFICAT (V/O)

Moving swiftly on. They arrived at the coastal town of Seaside, named for its location beside the vast expanse of saline water. However they were unable to get anyone to get a boat for them. This was partly to do with the fact that not many ships did trade with the Isles of the Pygmy Elves. Partly because no sailors were willing to be stuck on a boat with a wimp, a pigeon and a mole.

RAPHER

What are we going to do then?

ANDLELI

We could leave you behind.

PANALIA

No!

ATIFICAT (V/O)

Panalia said, for he had grown close to the mole.

ANDLELI

Then I have already failed. The only way we can get over there now is by magic.

WARLOCK

(overhearing on passing)

Magic? Did you just say magic? Why, my boy! I am a warlock. And a mighty powerful one at that! What is it that you need, lad?

ANDLELI

I need to get to the Isles of the Pygmy Elves, but no boat will take us.

WARLOCK

You are burdened by your animal friends?

ANDLELI

Yes.

WARLOCK

Let us change the circumstances. Instead of your pigeon being a hindrance, let us make him a help.

The Warlock holds his hands over Panalia.

SFX: FLASH OF BLUE LIGHT

RAPHER

What did you do?!

ANDLELI

Have you killed him?!

PANALIA

I am still alive, friends.

ANDLELI

No such luck.

PANALIA

(genuinely laughing)

Your wit never ceases to entertain me!

ANDLELI

What did you do?

WARLOCK

I have given your pigeon the ability of super-strength so that he can fly you over the sea to the Islands.

ANDLELI

Thank you so much, sir! How can I ever thank you?

WARLOCK

You needn’t bother. I’m just glad that I was able to help. 

And with that, the Warlock walks away, humming to himself.

RAPHER
What a charming man!

PANALIA

You don’t get many nice people nowadays.

ANDELI

(thoughfully)

Hmm. Well, onto the Pygmy Isles, I guess.

CUT TO:

18.4 EXT. KINGDOM FAITHFUL MOUNTAINSIDE FOREST - NIGHT

ATIFICAT looks at his companions but they are sleeping.

ATIFICAT

I guess we’ll call it a night then.

READER

What about me?

ATIFICAT

You’ll just have to wait, won’t you. Good night.

FADE TO BLACK.

Chapter 16: Morally Void Beings

“Right. You all ready for another story? I have had my tea now, and I am properly refreshed to tell you a tale of epic standards. So settle down, children, and let old Atificat tell you about our hero Andleli and how his epic mythical journey began:

Andleli was a powerful warrior who fought in the Great Wars. He killed many strong enemies and brought great prosperity to his homeland. However, on his journey home from the wars he was confronted by an arrogant, young man who challenged him to a duel. Andleli had no difficulty in defeating him and ran him through with his sword. 

Little did Andleli know, the arrogant young man was the son of a powerful sorcerer called Isin. Now Isin was not only very powerful but very cruel and vindictive. When he learnt that his son had been murdered, he used his magic to summon Andleli to him. He demanded of Andleli the completion of five exceedingly dangerous tasks to make recompense for the loss of his son. He called Andleli to his study at the top of his creaking, crooked house. “Listen carefully, Andeleli,” Isin commanded. “The Pygmy Elves are in possession of a truly spectacular thing. It is a Crown. A Crown that allows the wearer to prophesy and see the future. Because of it, the Pygmy Elves have remained an unbeatable force, as, of course, they are always aware of any future invasions and can plan accordingly. I want you to retrieve it for me.”

“But won’t they know that I am coming?”

“Yes. And be able to predict your every move.”

“How is this possible?”

“I don’t care. Just get me that Crown if you truly seek absolution for your crime.”

And to ensure that Andleli would not start a new life again on his travels and not complete the task, Isin cursed Andleli with a creature. “Do not worry, worm. The creature in question is very pleasant and highly magical. It shall be your guide to the Pygmy Elves and back again. It is an animal of spectacular beauty, shimmers of green and purple and silver.”

“What is this wondrous being, sir?”

There was a clumsy flapping and a bird landed on Andleli’s shoulder. “Good day, Mr Andleli-worm! My name is Panalia and I shall be your guide!”

Andleli cast a dark look at Isin, and Isin smiled back cruelly. “What better creature to find your way back home than a pigeon?”

“Indeed,” Andleli dryly replied.

Panalia the pigeon pooed.

Andleli and Panalia had been travelling across the land for several weeks now, through forest and meadow, across mountains and valleys. Now, the unlikely pair were trekking through a wood. “This forest is known as the Wood of Terr - a notorious bandit. Terr is believed to have resided in this forest during the summer time, and retreating to various caves in the winter where he would slay hibernating bears and live off their meat and use their fur for warmth,” Panalia explained. “Of course, he had a band who accompanied him, but he regularly killed them and introduced new members to keep the chances of a mutiny to a low and his leadership intact. But the band of thieves obviously disbanded many many years ago.”

Andleli and Panalia then entered a clearing and stumbled upon a band of thieves mugging a mole. The mole in question was a bit of a goon and was highly susceptible to being targetted by morally void beings. He was lying on the ground whilst the muggers tore at his tweed jacket and stamped on his reading glasses. As the mole lay subject to the vicious beatings, the wind was in the willows and the picnic basket he had been carrying was dashed upon the grass in a great mess of wicker, tartan and marmalade. Twas a sorrowful sight. 

Immediately, Andleli jumped into the clearing and started to fight off the muggers singe-handedly. Having killed off half of them, the rest of the thieves fled into the labyrinth of trees. Andleli went to attend to the mole.

The mole rolled over and saw the man and the pigeon approaching. “Oh dear. I must be hallucinating.”

“‘Fraid not, friend; he is actually a pigeon,” Andleli said, helping the mole up.

“Hello mole. My name is Panalia and this is Andleli and we are on a quest to retrieve the Crown that is worn by the King of the Pygmy Elves. Would you like to join us, mole?”

“That’s very kind of you to offer!” the mole said. “I am very much a-feared that the robbers might return. My name is Rapher. I do apologise for the circumstances that our meeting has occurred under. I was going to meet my friend the Water-Rat when I was jumped by those despicable thugs! Thank you, good sir, for saving me! I will do what I can to repay this favour you have done for me, and shall travel with you until I have fulfilled this debt.”

“Great,” Andleli muttered dryly.

And so the trio of travellers continued on their way towards the coastline…”

“Enough, Old Man!” an audience member cried out. Atificat looked at the man who had interrupted him. All the children and the parents sitting on the grass turned around to see who was ruining their story. It was a man wearing a large brown habit with the hood up, shrouding his face in shadow.

“Can I help you, sir?” Atificat asked, politely despite the rude interruption.

“You’re coming with us.”

From what seemed from nowhere, six other hooded figures surrounded the storyteller’s tent. Parents held onto their children in the hope that they might not get involved. But Atificat kept his cool. He stood up. “Why?” he asked.

“Because you are Required.”

“Hmm.” 

“Come, Antifi- Arrrrgh!” The hooded man fell to the ground, a dagger lodged in the back of his neck. Behind him was a young man who had a very sheepish look on his face. Immediately, pandemonium arose. Children and parents ran in all different directions to try and escape the imminent fight. Three of the hooded figures ran for the young man, drawing their scimitars, whilst the other three went for Atificat. 

The young man ran and was followed hastily by another man who seemed very perplexed with the evolution of the situation. They ran into a tent where the local blacksmith was showing off his handiwork. They both grabbed swords and exited the tent, prepared to fight. “You know, I’ve never been in a proper sword fight before, Tergen,” the younger man said. “And that’s the first time I’ve killed anyone.” 

“If you don’t want to fight, Maj, then stay back. I can take them,” Tergen said, brandishing his sword and twirling it in ways that only a professional could. And then the hooded men lunged at them. The man called Tergen parried, dived and dodged, constantly getting the better of the hooded men. He struck them with the sword and they fell to the ground. The younger man called Maj stared on in amazement. Evidently, he hadn’t expected this kind of behaviour or set of skills from Tergen.

Meanwhile, Atificat was busy taking on his own scimitar-wielding gang of rogues. He had grabbed his staff - a old gnarled branch from a tree that he had carved and fashioned into a suitable walking stick/weapon, depending on the situation. This situation certainly called for it to be used as a weapon. Atificat, despite his age, whirled his staff above his head and whacked it against the head of the closest hooded man, who fell to ground unconscious. Atificat continued to strike out with his staff, knocking his attackers to the ground either into an unconscious stupor or into the afterlife. When they were all lying on the grass, Atificat disappeared into his tent. A few minutes later he reappeared carrying his staff in one hand and a bag in the other. 

“‘Ere, Atificat!” a fire-breather called, running over to him. “Where you off to?”

“Anywhere. They’ve found me again,” Atificat replied, still marching off through the fairground, all eyes still on him after his impressive performance.

“We’ll look after you, mate!”

“No, you can’t. I could fight those three. But I couldn’t have fought all seven of them. I’m out of my depth. I’m going into hiding again.” And he marched down the hill into the village. 

“Sir! Stop! Please stop!” two voices called across the village square to Atificat. Not in synchronized unity, you understand. They said mostly the same words in a varied, overlapping manner, but enough about that. Despite these two voices addressing him, Atificat kept on walking. 

Tergen and Maj caught up with him and walked along beside him. “It’s Atificat, right?” Maj said. 

“We’ve travelled from Bridgeside. We understand that you with the fair at that point,” Tergen outlined. 

“So what if I was?” Atificat questioned, still walking out of the village and into a thicket, and still not looking at his two new companions. “That was weeks ago.”

“A boy died,” Tergen explained. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“He fell down a hole in a cave behind a waterfall!” Maj said, gathering aggression. “I found him with a map that led him right to it! And he must have got that from you because you told the story to him. And now because of your story and foolishness, many more people have died! It’s your fault!” Maj and Tergen stopped, hoping that Maj’s words would force Atificat to stop. But he didn’t. “How can you just -” And Maj broke down into tears, sitting on a tree stump in the thicket.

Tergen trotted to catch up with Atificat and forcibly stopped him. “Please, Atificat. We haven’t come to blame you or seek vindication or revenge or anything like that. I am part of a secret society called the Keepers of the Crowns.” This made Atificat stop. The sun, high in the sky, shone through the over-hanging branches and leaves, creating a dark, yet graceful ambience. “Our aims are to find the twenty-nine enchanted Crowns and protect them from our rival group, Crowners of the Light, who seek to use the Crowns for selfish purposes. In the cavern where the boy died was a woman wearing a Crown. She was centuries old and the Crown she wore was the Crown of Immortality. And we followed the trail from Angus to you. We just want to find out anything we can about the Crowns to protect our land. Will you help us?”

Atificat replied, “The Crowners have pursued me so many times. I’m tired of my life being chased and threatened. I’ll help you. You can count on me. But I need to know that you won’t leave me to the wolves. I need protection. You need to help me too. Understood? Good. Let’s go then.”